an apostolic adventure

Spiritual Awakening: The Conclusion

This conclusion must really be a beginning.  Will we believe God for a new beginning, a fresh start in seeing God move in and through his people, in our lives and the lives of our neighbors in Europe?

“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;

the whole earth is full of his glory” (Isaiah 6:3).                  

May we see the glory of God in all the earth, beginning in our own lives and continuing to every person in Europe and around the world. The authority given to Jesus passes to his people for the salvation of all peoples through the power of the Holy Spirit. The contemporary church has a great opportunity to see this happen. The resources are there. The opportunities are there. The Kingdom of God is coming. The Spirit is moving.

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The Tenth High Point of my Spiritual Life

The tenth high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, is relearning how to pray.

I first learned how to pray in Sunday School.

          “Fold your hands!

          Close your eyes!

          And bow your head!,”

the teacher admonished us as she looked all around the room. “Hey, why did she get to look all around the room?!,” I demanded from my own uncomprehending little mind! But I was a pretty good boy, so I obeyed the teacher. Besides, she was three times bigger than I was! Went through the Sunday School ritual and was assured God heard me. Good! I’m getting through to God!

I did begin to question the premise that God in heaven only heard my prayers in Sunday School and at dinner time when I folded my hands, closed my eyes, bowed my head and were close to adults! Could He hear my prayers while riding my bicycle? Or was that out of bounds for God? Good question. I COULDN’T fold my hands while riding my bike! Nor close my eyes! But I’ve finally answered this question. Through desperation.

I know my Sunday School teacher didn’t want us kids bothering each other and thinking about all kinds of other things. But I began to find out that passive, quiet, eyes closed praying wouldn’t get the job done for me in a busy, noisy, bike riding day.

Living half way around the world from my old Sunday School teacher provides some great opportunities to learn how to pray. You know, the desperate, basic, unrefined, gut level prayer. As a 40 year old, I became like a little child. Maybe this is what Jesus meant when He said, “Unless you change and become like a little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).

Following years of education, experience and maturity, I arrived with the eloquent tongue of being able to count to three. Then, after a couple of months, I advanced to,

“Hello.”

“I am good.”

“I live on Arpad ut, nyolcvan egy, Gyorben.”

“The weather is good.”

“How are you?”

“Hello.”

These are the basics we teach our kindergarten children – the essentials. These are the basics I learned for the first months of life, or new life, changing and beginning once again, as a child.

And during this time, I found that my most common prayer was really very simple, “HEEELLLP!!!” I used this form of prayer when looking for a light bulb in the city. It took me half the day. What did you call a light bulb anyway? Where do I begin? How do I ask, “Where is a light bulb?”

My vocabulary lacked,

“Where,” and

“Is,” and

“A,” and

“Lightbulb.”

So, my day started with a need. I can’t find a light bulb or even know where to begin to find one! And it took me to God in prayer.

My new form of prayer is quite different. My world is filled with need! My hands are outstretched reaching for Someone way, way beyond me! My eyes are opened wide to the sin, the sickness, the disparity, the self centeredness gone wild! My head turns upwards, getting my thoughts off this world and on to another above me!

“God! Hear me! Help me! Hold me!” “Where, oh where is a light bulb!?”

Who do you see in prayer? Who do you touch in prayer? The idea of Apostolic Ministry is to touch God in prayer. He is the Father, the Son, the Spirit of life and hope! He is the director, the planner, the fulfiller. He is the answer, the truth, the hope. The LIGHT!

Not only are my eyes peaking as I pray but I strain my eyes for light. I search for hope. I plead for a start, a beginning, a new life. I’m looking for Him with my eyes open! And I’m finding the light of life!

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The Ninth High Point of my Spiritual Life

The ninth high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, is picturing what could be in Europe.

OK, What Are We Really Talking About?

I’m talking about a huge change. Not just in our minds and hearts and wills. But in society, too. It’s not going to happen overnight. And it’s not going to start with a huge fanfare. It’s certainly not going to look at all like success in the beginning. But it will start slow, start with unassuming people and look a lot like failure. So you’re in? Great!

I like to start with the “Z,” what the end product looks like. The “Z” is a sweeping spiritual movement toward God. I mean we’re talking about whole groups of people, cities, towns, counties and countries turning toward God instead of turning inward toward something selfish or self centered. This would entail a great big, huge reversal of almost everything going on around us.

The church is sick. The leaders are sick. The systems are sick. The government is sick. The schools are sick. The businesses are sick. Anyway you get the picture of a lot of things needing change. And we’re not just talking about California. We’re talking about a few other places in the world.

And God wants you to do something about it. He wants me to do something about it. We’re not much but we can do something. Right!?

So that’s the “Z.” We start with a problem. We look way out to the end – the solution. And now we begin to plot step by step ways to get there.

And the great thing is that I’m not in charge. You’re not in charge!  But Someone Else is in charge! And THAT gives me a lot of comfort! Someone Else is drawing the map. Someone Else is plotting the course. Someone Else is issuing the flight tickets – even though we don’t know where we’re going. Someone Else is assuring the ultimate victory.

Jesus. Jesus. Say it with me now, “Jesus!”

He is who I follow. He is who I listen to. Jesus is who knows it all better than I. Jesus never fails.

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The Eighth High Point of my Spiritual Life

The eighth high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, was getting on airplane with a one way ticket.

So, there I was on the airplane from Indianapolis to Budapest with a one way ticket in my hand thinking, “Apostolic what!?” (Or was I just thinking, “What?!”) Everything was on the line. Everything my professors taught me in college. Everything my professors taught me in seminary. Everything I learned from my parents, my friends, my mentors, my pastors. Here I was. Not just alone. But with my wife, my two daughters and one son. And it doesn’t get much riskier than this.

What would you do? Would you move half way around the world to attempt something that could really, really fail? I guess I had to. I heard the Voice. I couldn’t get away from that call deep in my heart and mind. The doors opened up. The way was clear. Stepping through the threshold meant either the lights would come on the other side or the darkness just ahead would swallow us up!

I invite you to go along with me on a journey. Are you interested in being one of “the sent ones?” Are you willing to be sent? I’m not talking about being sent to the store for another gallon of milk, diapers and sneaking in a few doughnuts. I’m not talking about being sent out in your SUV in the middle of winter to Blockbuster’s for an emergency movie at 10:30 pm. I’m talking about a one way ticket. A ticket to a destination far, far away. A ticket to a destination far, far away and ever so lonely. A ticket to a destination far, far away and ever so lonely yet exploding with the dynamic power of God!

‘Cause I’ve finally figured out that it’s a lot more fun to be on an airplane to a destination far, far away and ever so lonely yet exploding with the dynamic power of God than to be on a couch with a remote controlling the picture and sound from a destination far, far away and ever so comfortable with friends and family a phone call away yet imploding with the fizzling power of me.

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The Seventh High Point of my Spiritual Life

The seventh high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, will be my funeral. Many of you have already heard this, but I want to share with you what I want preached at my funeral.

And what I want preached at my funeral ties all the rest of my life vision, call and passion to see Spiritual Reformation today.

What I Want Preached @ My Funeral

Mark 8:34-35 "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save hsi life will lose it but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.'"

Hi, I’m

Jerry Coleman

an apostle

of Christ Jesus

by the will of God

for the praise of His glory.

This is what I want preached at my funeral. And that’s what is written on a little card I carry with my Bible and what I read and pray every day since the fall of 1988.

I will share as intimately as I know how, about a very personal event – my funeral.

The Obituary will read about me. I will be in the newspaper one day. It will be sad. I will miss you all. It could be today, tomorrow, next year or 50 more years from now. What be preached? And what will I say to God in His heaven?

I’m not sure if I’ll have the words to speak, but I’m ready to die today! Because I’m convinced of the importance of living today in light of my funeral. And this is what I’d like to have preached:

JERRY COLEMAN

Yes, this is the first line. I can’t live someone else’s life.

I had NO choice in my name! I didn’t start a debate in those early hours of my life about the implications of naming me. I had NO choice in being born to my parents. But I’m very thankful. I praise God for where I came from. I praise God for my parents. Not perfect. But MINE.

I couldn’t even choose my nicknames growing up. Others chose them for me. (Illustrate?) So, that’s where I start. I imagine that’s where YOU start, too. Parents. Name. No choice.

We come prepackaged. “Welcome to the world!”

God does some AMAZING things with raw material!

·       I know some people who were born with GREAT names

but died away on their deathbeds with many regrets.

·       I know others who were born with very LOWLY names

and died away on their deathbeds with praises to God!

But I’m talking about funeral, not birthday. And you want to argue with me that if you were born someone different, it would be easier to face God at your funeral. (illustrate?) You know how I answer that? Not likely. You can’t do it.

I live today in light of the funeral of ME, Jerry Coleman.

AN APOSTLE

I never dreamed I’d be a pastor, let alone a missionary.

But God wonderfully led me from

a life of business and seeking material wealth to

a life of Kingdom work and seeking spiritual fruit.

In 1988, I didn't write down “an apostle” at first. I wanted to. But I was afraid to. I didn't understand what it meant. I was afraid of being misunderstood. As you read this, you may be wondering, “What is he talking about?! How can he talk about ‘apostle’ in today’s terms?”

I'm certainly not "one of the Apostles" or like the “Apostle Paul.” So I wrote down "Ambassador". Safe!

But I had a much clearer understanding of what that meant one day in spring 1997. Seminar. Ephesians 4:11 (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers.) as spiritual gifts. While eating lunch with one of the presenters, I shared that I really wanted to write down “an apostle” but was afraid to. Do you know what Robert said? “I have a pen.” I just broke in tears at that point. Right then I had opportunity to decide if I wanted to accept this calling with more understanding or run away from it. What did I do? I took his pen. That was several years ago.

Later I understood this even more clearly - the function of apostle. In Greek, “apostole” means “letter.” And “apostolos” means “one who is sent.” So in this light, I can picture myself as a “mailman,” taking the Good News to new places!

My function is to be sent with the message, the Good News to those people and places God leads and directs. I love it! I’m set free in it!! What a gift!

For you? What is your calling, vocation or life vision? Is it teacher, pastor, artist, servant, or scholar? Work it out! Work it out before you work out your major, job or career!

OF CHRIST JESUS

This is whom I represent. I represent Christ Jesus. He is who sends me.

I used to be a businessman. I had a business card, “Jerry Coleman, of The Jetka Corp.” I represented heating companies. I especially represented my Dad, in his business. His name was important to the heating business in the state of Ohio. The question I had was, “Will I represent him well?”

When I stood in those hundreds and thousands of business offices, I represented something, someone. What and who do you represent? What and who do I represent?

I’m a missionary OF the Free Methodist Church. Now I represent the Free Methodist Church and the many people who support us and around the world who are part of this denomination.

But more than all of this, I’m an apostle OF Christ Jesus. HE is whom I represent. It’s not for me, not for my family, not for my organization. It’s for Jesus.

At the end of my life, at my funeral, I want to be known as a representative of Jesus Christ. Jesus is my life. Jesus is enough. And so I live today for Jesus. My daily decision is for Him. If I want to represent Jesus at the end of life, I must represent Him today.

Who do you represent today? Who do you stand for? Will you be known for representing the company on your business card? At your funeral, what/who do you want your pastor to say you represented?

BY THE WILL OF GOD

This is one of the hardest areas. Call this the battleground of the wills. Even Jesus experienced this battle. I’m stubborn and I want to have it my way. I’m known in my family as being one with a strong will. My Mother loves to tell stories about how more than once I puffed up my whole 3-year-old self to defy her. (Illustrate?) I can still hear my name, “Jerry Douglas Coleman.”

I’ve not only defied my parents but I’ve defied God. I defy Him, I’m sad to say.

But deep down, I want God to have His way with me. His will must be done. At the end of life, will it be said that I had it all my own way? That I accomplished all MY goals and dreams?

Or will it be that I as Jesus said in Luke 9, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

What will I do? What will you do?

This becomes a daily battle. Today, once again, I surrender my will to you, O Lord.

FOR THE PRAISE OF HIS GLORY

Now, I’m sorry to say that I’m tempted to take from God what’s not mine.

“Hey, look what I did!” I’m tempted to take glory for myself.

But it’s all so much bigger than ME.

It’s not all about ME.

No, it’s all about Him.

…for the glory of God.

…for the praise of His glory.

God gives you many gifts.

          You.

                   Your vocation.

                            Jesus Christ.

                                     His daily will.

Accept Him! And give Him the glory!

How can you and I give glory to God? By being all God made you/me to be!

Jesus said in his prayer, John 17 “Father,… I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.”

CONCLUSION

Yes, I’ll make it in the papers one day. My days will end. And this is what I hope you will hear the preacher saying.

I challenge you to wrestle with these five areas that Paul lays out in most every letter he writes. Paul, he was named, gifted/called by God, to represent Christ Jesus, submitted his will to God and lived for the praise of God’s glory.

When Paul was put on trial in Jerusalem, in Acts 23, "Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, 'My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day.'"

I’m looking straight as you. “For what/ for whom are you living today?”

I’m

Jerry Coleman

an apostle

of Christ Jesus

by the will of God

for the praise of His glory.

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The Sixth High Point of my Spiritual Life

The sixth high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, was when I changed one word on my card describing my life vision.

A month or two after seeing that clear vision for my life in September 1988, I wrote down a concise statement summing it all up. Paul’s helped me as I saw that he begins most of his writings with his “business card” or life vision. Ephesians 1 really helped me. This is what I wrote:

Jerry Coleman

ambassador

of Christ Jesus

by the will of God

for the praise of His glory.

My card still says this with the exception of one word. I’ll tell you how that changed.

Within our first year as missionaries here in Hungary, in Spring of 1997, Jan and I attended a conference taught by Dwight Smith on “Saturation Church Planting.” During one of the sessions, he taught on five leadership gifts as expressed in Ephesians 4:11. “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers.” These are summaries:

·        apostle: church planter, visionary, catalyst,

          constantly pushing the borders

          Impact = Extension of the Gospel purpose of the church

·        prophet: preacher, catalyst, speaks the voice of God,

          constantly pushing the wake up call

          Impact = Integration of the Gospel foundations in the people of the church

·        evangelist:        passionate for the lost, builds relational bridges,

                             constantly pushing the Gospel

                                            Impact = Expansion of the Gospel story in the church

·        pastor:   a people person, compassionate, caring,

          constantly pushing the love of God

          Impact = Nurturing the truths of the Gospel in the church

·        teacher: systematic, steady, solid,

          constantly pushing the truth

          Impact = Explanation of the truths of the Gospel to the church

While Dr. Smith was describing these gifts, my ears perked up on his description of an apostle. He clarified that this is not intended to describe “one of the Twelve” or “The Office of.” But this is a gift mix with leadership, faith and vision.

Jan and I began laughing out loud as he described this gifting as someone who constantly thinks about the future and who is constantly pushing the borders. The description fit me so well that it was funny to us! But in my mind I felt a conflict. I am hearing this teaching and it describes me so well. But I’ve never, ever heard someone accept the fact that he/she thinks he/she has the spiritual gift of apostle.

At lunch break, Jan and I sat across from one of Dwight Smith’s colleagues, Robert Mountford. We began discussing the teaching and especially these spiritual gifts. As we talked, I began to remember that in September 1988 I wanted to write down, “apostle,” on my card. (I’ve since confirmed this by looking back at my private journals.) I resisted that because I had never heard anyone refer to this as a modern day gift. Plus people would misunderstand and laugh at me and so on.

But after this teaching, I could see more clearly what God was calling me to be and do. He wants me to be a man of faith in spreading the borders of the church and leading people into the future! It’s in these things I am most at home and most comfortable. An apostle?

I later found out from my missionary friend in Greece that in Greek

“apostole” means “letter”

“apostolos” means “one who is sent”

The function of an apostle is to be sent with the message, the Good News of Jesus to those people and places God leads and directs.

I finally said to Robert in the middle of our meal, “I have a card here from September 1988 that has my life call on it. It’s just that now I remember that I wanted to write down ‘apostle’ but instead I wrote down ‘Ambassador.’”

“Well,” Robert quickly replied, “I have a pen.”

I immediately began to shed tears. The Holy Spirit cut to my heart and will. I knew that in this one moment I was in the crux of accepting more of what God has called me to be. Or I could further shut it out because of fear of what people might think. I looked at Jan. I looked at my card. I looked at Robert. All the while my heart raced and my eyes blurred.

I took his pen. I scratched out “Ambassador” and wrote in “an apostle.” Small “a.” One of. Accepting the gift of.

“Oh, Lord, I accept who I am, who you have made me, and how you have gifted me. I am willing to be:

Jerry Coleman

an apostle

of Christ Jesus

by the will of God

for the praise of his glory.”

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The Fifth High Point of my Spiritual Life

The fifth high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, was when the Lord showed me my life vision.

In 1981, I had already received a call to full time ministry. But in September of 1988, the Lord refined and defined that call. It was then that I began to recognize my spiritual gifts and to realize my main focus in life.

I knew I had to meet with Dwight Robertson sometime. Over a period of several months in 1987, a number of people had told me that we had many similarities and that we must meet. I tried writing and finally phoning. Nothing seemed to work out in our schedules. Finally, I was traveling through his area when he would be home. We set an appointment in September 1988. Marion, Indiana.

The first and main question I asked him was, “What is your life vision?” He began to describe for me very clearly what God had put before him, showed him to be his life vision.

I was not at all prepared, nor did I expect the following question from him, “Well, Jerry, what is YOUR life vision?” I had never given it a thought. What do I say?! Help!? I began to share with him one spiritual picture after another. I told him these stories that I have been sharing with you over these past few months:

1971 Accepted Jesus Christ as Savior

1981 Call to full time ministry

1982-1990 Preparation in college and seminary

1986 Jesus, Lord of my heart

I also shared some of the specifics encouraging words and affirmations that several people had given me at critical points in my life.

Then, boom! These different still pictures suddenly became a moving picture for me! I could see God’s hand in it all and how He had prepared me for this moment and what He had for me in the future!

I could “see” a Spiritual Awakening in Jesus. And I would be part! I could see this in America. Then as Dwight and I prayed, I could see this in various countries around the world. A moving of God’s Spirit on His people. A people renewed for Him. Nations turning to God. Weeping and confession and repentance and wholeness.

Wow! That was powerful. A powerful vision. As days went by, I wondered how real that all was. I shared this with very few people but over the next few months and years, God confirmed this vision in some amazing ways. God sent some people to me I had never met before with a word of confirmation. Others whom I had know for years confirmed the same. Certain Scriptures came alive to me! A new network of people with a burden for Spiritual Awakening in the USA suddenly opened up to me and I found myself sitting in “by invitation only” summits in Kentucky and Washington, DC in 1989.

The vision grew, was confirmed and continues to burn deeply on my heart, mind and soul. I want to be faithful to this vision, to my God who invites me to accept it, obey it and live each moment of each day fulfilling the vision He has given me. This is what I want preached at my funeral: That I was faithful to what I, in October of 1988, wrote down as my life vision.

I’ll share that next time – what I wrote down on one card and how it changed by one word later in 1997 and what it means to me today.

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The Fourth High Point of my Spiritual Life

The fourth high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, was when I invited Jesus to be Lord of my heart.

I was a student at Asbury Theological Seminary in Wilmore, Kentucky when I recognized my head was controlling my heart. I was keeping God at a safe distance. Yes, I was a Christian since age 13, but something significant happened to me 15 years later at age 28 that has changed my life and perspective.

I term this as when I invited “Jesus to be Lord of my heart.” Not part of me, but I wanted Jesus to have all of me! I still do! Some might term this as “God’s second work of grace” or “Being filled with the Spirit” or even “Perfect love” as John Wesley taught about. I’m not so caught up with the term as I am with the reality in my life.

Here now is my full story:

JESUS, LORD OF MY HEART

Jerry Coleman

My head controlled my heart. I really noticed this at the memorial service of past Asbury Theological Seminary president, Frank Bateman Stanger. Getting the next assignment done on time dominated my thoughts and goal for that spring morning in 1986. But the library doors were locked! RATS! So I reluctantly headed for the balcony of beautiful Estes Chapel to pull out my books.

Well, the service proceeded quite nicely, I notice while peeking over my books. And WOW! What wonderful affirmations of a godly man! To my surprise - I wanted to respond in tears. I was moved.

Hold on! My head – you know, that intellectual, fear warning device – went off. What would these people around you think?! "Cry baby seminarian!" Besides, I learned as a child, "Men don't cry. Men don't show emotion." And my head controlled my heart as it had for many years, ever since I would get sent to my room for emotional temper tantrums. My reasoning, careful, calculating mind shouted the orders to my submissive emotional center. Choked it down, in other words.

I am afraid of what people think, of what they say, of my acceptance or rejection. The soldiers at "Operation Appreciation" seemed to accept me.

My "project" for evangelism class involved my being a witness to soldiers whisked away from boot camp for three hours to "Operation Appreciation" in Louisville. The first hour was entertainment with games, singing and a lot of fun. The second hour inspired to 250 plus soldiers to seek relationship with God in heaven with the singing of a couple of hymns and a message about Jesus. The third hour was for evangelists like me to seek men who needed to hear more about Jesus, to pray with them while being served sloppy Joes, potato chips and Kool-Aid.

Well, I took my plate of food, sat with some soldiers, talked sports, boot camp and homemade food, got another helping of sloppy Joes, Kool-Aid and potato chips before the sergeant called his troops back to the buses. Afterwards, the staff gathered in a circle to pray and share spiritual victories. I kept pretty quiet with my two plates of food and juicy conversations. But Anne quietly spoke up describing the five men who gave their lives to Jesus!

Wow! Victory! Wow! What's different about her? I've noticed the power of God in her life, lacking in mine. I Timothy 3:5 comes to mind - "having the form of godliness but denying its power." I had the right focus, but where was the power in my life? I knew the right moves and lingo but fell short in the passion. I was friendly, but sacrificial love fell short. I could judge and evaluate people, and even influence them for good. But I lacked love. You know – that deep pervasive always giving love.

OK, I was raised in a loving Christian home with wonderful parents. I attended church, Sunday School, and mid week activities since I was two weeks old. I was pursuing full time ministry after three and a half years in my dad's business. But my head still controlled my heart. I was a Christian - a follower of Christ, but my righteous head dominated my life.

The roughly 2.5 billion people lost in the world was a number I had to remember for a test. Weeping over these or even one of the needy would never get past the control of my properness. But Anne was different. What was it? I had to talk to her.

Fortunately, my Honda needed air conditioning work done in Louisville. I called Anne and made an appointment. Bingo! But after a couple hours of questions and probing about what she had and I didn't, she threw a question at me I didn't know how to get back with her.

"Jerry, we've talked about religious things for several hours now. You've mention the name of God once or twice, but never the name of Jesus. Why is that?"

What do I say? What do I do? And my portable cerebral computer raced to find the answer. Finally it stopped on one thing my professor, Dr. Donald Joy said one time. He said, "Sometimes when we use the language of God, we refer to the celestial being in the heavenly realms." You know – the distant, powerful creator of the world. He went on to say, "When we use the language of Jesus Christ we refer to the son of God who died for our sins and makes it possible to be in right relationship with the Father in heaven."

"But when we us the language - Jesus - we refer to the intimate relationship we have with him." Intimate? Hey, I'd say we were close. Fifteen years ago I gave my life to Jesus Christ! Intimate? Vulnerable? Hmm, if I was really honest, I'd have to say I keep him at a safe distance. Safe. Comfort Zone. I am uncomfortable speaking the name of Jesus. My heart is not yet free. All this went through my computer in the few seconds following Anne's question.

Then, POW! It hit me! It all came together! The picture was clear! The Holy Spirit showed me! Maybe I've never made Jesus, Lord of my heart.

My head began arguing this point. (Of course.) Wait, you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior at age 13! And before that as a child you were very sensitive to God and desired Him in your life!  Here you are, a seminarian, pursuing the ministry. You're OK. You have enough of God.

But my heart cried out for more of God. To be set free!

So finally I uttered the words, "Anne, maybe I've never really made Jesus, Lord of my heart."

And she said the most dramatic, wonderful thing in response. "Well, Jerry, would you like to pray and make Jesus, Lord of your heart?"

Of course my head said, "No." But my heart longed to say, "Yes." And now my barriers melted down to a "Yes" and we prayed. A simple prayer. I can't really remember what we prayed. But it went something like this, "Oh Jesus, take full control of my life, my head, my heart. Fill me. Consume me. Forgive me. I say YES to you!"

After praying I looked up and people had changed! Students walked by in that lounge and I saw hearts walking around. Oh, I used to look at people with judgment, sizing up each one: tall - short, smart - dumb, skinny - not so skinny (OK fat was the real work that came to mind), desirable - undesirable, and etc. Oh, forgive me Lord. But now I see hearts! People who have degrees of emptiness, loneliness, love deficits, emotional pain and hurt.

Love and joy flooded me! I was set free! Jesus set me free! And I've never been the same! It's like trying to get a drink of water with a Dixie cup at the bottom of Niagara Falls without getting wet. Love just spills all over and I couldn't keep it in.

On my drive home from Louisville, I turned onto Route 60 and all the sudden a thought kept coming to my mind, "Stop at Tom's and pray with him." "Stop at Tom's and pray with him." I pictured Tom's big beautiful home set in the middle of a large horse farm just like you might picture a Kentucky horse farm. The house has the big white pillars. So who was I to knock on the door and say I want to pray with you. Yet incessantly, "Stop at Tom's and pray with him," the Voice kept saying as my rational mind kept arguing who, what, why, when, and why now? Whose is this Voice anyway - God's or mine?

After ten miles of arguing I pulled into his driveway hoping he wouldn't be home. Thankfully his wife answered the huge door and I said something like, "Tom isn't here, is he?" "Sure, come right in," I heard as my knees knocked. In the family room I said, "I was driving along Route 60 and I just felt I needed to stop and pray with you. Is there anything I can pray for?" And to my surprise he unloaded a deep concern. I suddenly knew why I had stopped. I voiced a prayer and kept praying through the days and weeks.

The next day, Tuesday, I plugged into my normal schedule with three classes. I sat down in my seat as usual in Evangelism with Dr. Crandall. It didn't take long until I felt - BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - "Stand up Jerry." "Stand up and tell what happened to you yesterday." The Voice. My heart. My heart said "Yes" but my head said "No way! I'd look like a fool!" "BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - STAND UP, JERRY." I couldn't get away from it. Finally, I stood up. "Excuse me, Dr. Crandall. I hate to interrupt class, but I have to tell you what happened to me yesterday." "OK, Jerry, come on up front," he quickly responded. The class of 70 waited as I walked to the front.

"Yesterday, Jesus filled my heart. I made Jesus Lord of my heart and He has filled my heart with love. I love you all and I really feel like going down the aisle and giving you each a hug." I ended with tears, giving my professor a big hug and sat back down. I did it.

Inhibition used to rule my life. Whether it be from giving someone a hug or saying "Amen" in church I tried to find the comfortable way out. Yet it felt so wonderful to be obedient to the Voice! He spoke, I obeyed.

And I went on to my second class, Christian Education with Dr. Burgess. I sat in my usual seat preparing for the lecture when all the sudden - BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - "Stand up, Jerry." My heart again began to race. The palms of my hands sweated. And I could not escape "Stand up, Jerry." What do you do when you clearly hear the Voice of God? How do you know it's the Voice of God? My head said, "No." My heart said, "Yes." And we usually have 5 to 7 seconds to respond to His promptings. We can try to turn it off. Or we can follow through regardless of the outcome. I usually try to predict the outcome thinking I will look like a fool, or who does this sort of stuff anyway? And especially, "What will the other people think?"

Finally I stood and said, "Dr. Burgess, I hate to interrupt class but I must share what happened to me yesterday." "OK, Jerry, go ahead." "Well, I have been keeping God at a distance in my life. I was controlled more by fear than by love. But yesterday, I asked Jesus to take all of me, every part. And He did. Today I feel so much love I can't keep it in! I love you all!" And I sat down knowing I had obeyed. What a great feeling!

Well, on the way to my third and last class of the day, I got a jump start on God. Pleadingly I prayed "Not here, Lord!!" because Dr. Wang's class was not really a discussion, sharing, sort of environment. Dr. Wang is a Taiwanese genius (IQ of 300 plus). He has his morning devotions in Greek. And he was teaching us I Corinthians in Greek. He's the kind of professor who walks briskly through the halls, plops his Greek New Testament on the lectern and begins lecturing in strong voice. So, "Please, Lord, not here," I continued to plead.

Before class I settled into my usual seat and guess what? BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - "Stand up, Jerry!" Well, my heart said "Yes." The Voice was as clear as ever. And my head? It was beginning to figure out it is actually more comfortable to obey God than to fight Him. "Excuse my Dr. Wang, I hate to interrupt class. But such a love is filling my heart I can't keep it in. Yesterday, Jesus filled me with His love. He controls my whole life - Heart, soul and mind. And I love every one of you."

Whew! What joy to obey God! What I didn't anticipate was the number of seminary students who began seeking me out to ask questions of me, pray with me, and get what I had. Lives changed over that next month! What a blast! I had so much energy! Every day, every hour, every moment guided by the Holy Spirit of God who filled me to overflowing!

I returned to Operation Appreciation. The soldiers didn't intimidate me as they filed in. Instead I saw 300 empty hearts crying out for Jesus! During the entertainment I prayed down each row. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to descend upon these men in the worship service. And yes, I took my plate of sloppy Joes, potato chips and Kool-Aid. But I asked Jesus to guide me to soldiers really hungry for more of God. I turned into a room and found six soldiers sitting at a table set for seven. Sitting down, I listened, then began to share how much Jesus loves me and filled my life with His love, and how much He loves each of them. I did not force the issue. But each of the six men prayed inviting Jesus to forgive them, to fill them and to set them free. And Jesus did.

Yes, I reported in the circle afterwards, "Six soldiers gave their lives to Jesus tonight." Glory to God! Praise the Lord!

But actually the greatest love I felt after asking Jesus to be Lord of my heart I felt for my Dad. I have the greatest Dad and the most loving Dad in the whole world. He loved and loves his family. He always showed this by providing for our every need. He worked hard to keep us all in clothes, food, and house. In fact, we had more than enough! But it suddenly hit me that I had never really shared my love for him from my heart. I had never told my Dad, "I love you, Dad." We had the hand-shaking and once in awhile shoulder to shoulder hug type a relationship. But it welled up in me to give my Dad a BIG hug and let my love for him flow from my heart.

Shortly, just two weeks after Jesus set me free, my parents drove down from Ohio. I waited with anticipation for their car to arrive. Jan and I lived on the second floor apartment with a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room and a bedroom. My parents were driving a diesel VW Rabbit and anyone could hear it coming from three blocks away. As soon as I heard the clang, clang, clang of this Rabbit, I ran down the stairs and up to the car. And hardly before my Dad could get his feet on the ground, I threw my arms around him with my heart going - BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - and with tears streaming down my cheeks. "I love you, Dad."

He didn't quite know what to say except, "Well, yeah, love you, too." And this was the beginning of our bear hug, teary eyed, affectionate relationship that continues and grows today. My father loves me. I love my father. My Father in heaven loves me. I love my Father in heaven. He loves me so much He gave his Son on my behalf.

Jesus set me free! He can set you free, too! Would you like to allow Jesus to be the full Lord of your life, your heart, your soul? Would you like to pray right now to make Jesus Lord? Let's do!

"Jesus, not part of me but all of me. Come, fill me, free me, consume me. Forgive me for keeping you at a distance. Melt my inhibitions away. Replace my fears with your love. I vow obedience to you. Jesus, I now make you Lord of my heart."

Signed________________________________Date__________________

"Perfect love casts out fear."          I John 4:18

"All a man's ways seem right to him,

but the Lord weighs the heart."

Proverbs 21:2

Who's In Control?

Do you have a heart for God?

Is it where it could be?

Can you shout his name aloud;

Because he's set you free?

Do you have a heart for God?

Or does your mind control;

The every action of your thoughts,

Your body and your soul?

Do you have a heart for God?

Is it something to be desired?

Just call on him to set you free

That's all that is required.

So if you want a heart for God

Don't be afraid to part.

Don't listen to your mind control

But listen to your heart.

by Stephen Grey

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The Third High Point of my Spiritual Life

The third high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, was the discipline to prepare and be prepared.

Whew! I was so glad to be out of college and into the REAL world! Working! Making a living! Two years of college was quite enough! Little did I realize I would soon enter a looooong period of training and preparation.

The call to ministry is a call to prepare. Prepare?! Come on, I want to get on with the ministry! I have to admit, I’d much rather be a full participant than be hidden away in a study carol. But as the Lord calls us to ministry, He calls us to prepare. And God doesn't seem to mind investing several YEARS in preparing His servants for a long term ministry. God prepares people, the whole person: Abraham, Moses, Paul, Jesus.

Why did Jesus spend 30 years in preparation for three years of active ministry? In fact, some have said that most great leaders through history were in the preparation stage for an average of 13 years after a specific call! Thirteeeeen yeeeeears! Whoa! That's forever!

My initial call to ministry was in 1981. My defined call was in 1988. So, 13 years after 1988 is 2001! And it was right around 2001 that God began fully releasing me in His call and my ministry! It doesn’t seem so long now. And I’m thankful to God that He kept me in that preparation stage for a good, long, ripe time. I needed it to face what I face today.

And what I face is a continent in dire need of Reformation! I must be and am willing to stand in the gap for a lost people. I’m ready. I’m doing it. It’s hard. It’s lonely. But I believe the Lord God will set His people free! I am believing in a people, a nation, a continent – reconciled to God!

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The Second High Point of my Spiritual Life

The second high point of my spiritual life, which leads to my great passion to see Spiritual Reformation today, was the decision to follow Jesus into full time ministry.

I never dreamed I'd be a pastor. As an eight year old, I did dream a bit about being a missionary in Africa right after the missionaries would show their exciting slides and tell about their life threatening stories. But that interest was more out of adventure rather than spirituality.

After Jan and I were married in 1978 (28 YEARS AGO!!) I began working with my Dad in his business. I thought I’d be in it for the rest of my life. Little did I know . . . . Jan and I led a youth group, a youth choir and I began leading a Bible study in a youth prison. When I traveled every day in the car on business, I would listen to Christian radio and read my Bible over lunch.

I began to wonder if there wasn’t more to life than talking about these three important things: 1) sports, 2) the weather and 3) let’s make this deal. I began to pray. I finally asked Dad, “Do you think I could have next June off to go to Haiti?” He didn’t give me an answer. A couple weeks later I asked him again. Finally he said, “Have you ever thought sales isn’t for you?”

Wow! In fact, I had. Dad released me! And soon, I could see in prayer and the Scripture a clear invitation to follow Jesus into full time ministry! The first step would be to quit my work with Dad, sell our house and move back to Greenville College to finish my education. Jan and I together decided to do this. It was September 1981. After Christmas, we moved to Greenville, Illinois without any promise of monthly income.

What a joy! We left a lot behind. Yet what God had ahead for us was so far greater than we could have imagined. Mark 10:28-31 is a reality for me, for us.

"'Follow Me', has Christ, not me at the center." Dennis Kinlaw

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